Premature ejaculation or rapid ejaculation is a difficult struggle that many men battle with. This is when a sexual encounter lasts shorter than desired due to the man reaching climax or orgasm sooner that he or his partner would like. It’s a haunting problem that leaves many men wondering how to stop ejaculating early.
This can be detrimental to a man’s self-esteem and masculine identity. It is important to understand that sufferers are not alone in this department… far from it. This is a sexual obstacle encountered by nearly 30% of the population. Most men (75% according to the Kinsey report), even if they are not severe premature ejaculators, will still reach orgasm and ejaculate within 2 minutes of vaginal entry during sexual intercourse; a duration of time most men wish to be much longer.
Sex is an important aspect of our health and overall well-being. It is a gift that was meant to be enjoyed and bring pleasure to both parties involved. One immediate tip… Go slower!
Here are 11 strategies to help any man increase his sexual stamina and find more pleasure in the bedroom… both for himself and his partner. I know that using even 1 or 2 of these with dedication will greatly enhance a man’s lasting power and overall sexual satisfaction.
1. Anesthetics and numbing sprays
Lidocaine is an anesthetic or chemical that numbs the areas of the body that it is applied to. Some sensation is lost but not all. It reduces sensitivity more than a condom would. Anesthetics are temporary and lidocaine-based anesthetics wear-off within 30 minutes to 2 hours. The FDA has approved such a lidocaine spray treatment for premature ejaculation. It is called Promescent and can be found here. This is the best type of anesthetic application because it is absorbed quickly by the male penis and does not rub off onto or into sexual partners during intercourse. Other jelly based lidocaine prescriptions have this problem / consideration.
2. Strengthen the PC muscle
What is the PC muscle? While you urinate, attempt to stop the flow mid-stream. Do you feel the sensation? This is your PC or pubbococcygeus muscle contracting and is a muscle in your “pelvic floor.” An orgasm is caused by the rapid contraction or flutter of this muscle. Strengthening this muscle lengthens male sexual performance. How do you exercise this? Contract it (like you do when you stop your urine) repeatedly at about the same rate as your heartbeat. Do this 75 times, twice a day. On the 75th repetition hold for 20 seconds. when you contract the muscle completely enough most individuals experience a “shiver” sensation. Pregnant women are taught to perform a group of similar exercises known as Kegel exercises to prepare their pelvic floor muscles for the pushing involved in the birthing process.
3. Change sexual position
The sexual position you are in can be contributing to your “early arrival.” The most typical male position is the “missionary position” where the male is directly on top of his sexual partner, who in turn, is on their back. When in this position you are naturally flexing or contracting your abdominal muscles to maintain this position. This can cause you to reach arousal and ejaculation much sooner. Positions that allow your abs to relax can help you last longer in bed. Some of these positions include the woman on top (“cowgirl”), entering while both of you are lying on your sides, or entry from behind while standing or kneeling (“doggy-style”). Any other sexual position where abdominal use is not required will work just as well in reducing the time it takes to climax.
4. Start and stop
First with yourself (during masturbation) and later with a partner, explore the sensations and connection to your body right before reaching climax or orgasm. Bring yourself to the point right before you ejaculate and STOP yourself. Contract your PC muscle ( The muscles that stop your urine flow). The sensation feels as if you are sucking the orgasm back “in”). Breathe deeply and once you can relax your PC muscle and your penis is not as sensitive repeat this a few more times. With a partner you can “exit” and return to foreplay for a while and then return to intercourse once the sensitivity and closeness to the “point of no return” has passed.
Decreasing the sensitivity of the penis is one of the most obvious ways we can delay orgasm and ejaculation. Many men find great success using this method. You can start with two regular thickness condoms and as you feel you are gaining greater ejaculation control, you can then use a regular thickness condom with a “sheer” or thin condom. Eventually reduce down to one regular thickness condom, then finally one sheer condom.
6. Meditation & guided imagery
Meditation (sitting in silence, emptying your mind of any thoughts and focusing on your breathing for 20 minutes or longer daily) provides many health benefits. Meditation strengthens the mind-body connection (allowing your mind better control over sexual performance), reduces anxiety (performance anxiety is a key component of this condition) and also makes you sharper mentally and emotionally (boosts self-confidence and ability to build relationships). Guided imagery is another tool you can use and something you can do by yourself. With your eyes closed and using your minds eye or imagination, practice seeing yourself in the middle of a sexual encounter as vividly as possible. Feel all the sensations as vividly as you can. You can visualize a past encounter and where you usually would ejaculate, visualize yourself continuing effortlessly. Feel the sense of confidence, success and pleasure from this breakthrough. Psychology and habits play a large role in this problem. Guided meditation will help you win this psychological component.
7. Medication / Rx Drugs
There are drugs that can be prescribed to you that are known to lengthen the time before you reach ejaculation. These drugs help an average male go from lasting 20 seconds to over 2-3 minutes… sometimes longer. It is all relative to how long your stamina was prior to medication. Serotonin based anti-depressants have been found to be the most successful at this. Priligy (dapoxetine) is a short acting SSRI ( selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor ) that has been approved in Finland, Portugal, Sweden Austria and Germany (and in the last stages of approval in the U.S.) for premature or rapid ejaculation.
Older serotonin based drugs that have shown to help are Zoloft (sertraline), Paxil (paroxetine) Anafranil (clomipramine) and Prozac (fluoxetine). Paxil has shown to be the most effective of these. Paxil has been clinically proven to delay the ejaculatory response by 6 to 20 times. All of these medications will require a prescription from your doctor. You should also ask to be counseled on potential side effects and determine whether these outweigh the possible benefit.
8. Pre-sex masturbation
Most of us have realized that the more “practice” we have the less sensitive we are to sexual stimulation and the better in bed we are. Before you go out or anticipate being with a sexual partner, masturbate before hand. This will make you less sensitive and last longer when you engage with a partner.
9. Overcoming psychological barriers
Sometimes we can use popular “tricks” like ‘thinking of baseball’ or something unrelated to sex (many suggest thinking of something repulsive) but often this doesn’t work and more importantly, it doesn’t allow for much enjoyment of the sexual experience. Sometimes there are psychological traumas that need to be worked through with a therapist. Sometimes there may be intimacy issues that are best worked through with a loving partner. If a therapist is not available to you, it would be very beneficial to read a well-researched book to get more in-depth psychological techniques and understanding to overcome these barriers and obstacles. A fantastic book and resource that is highly praised is Coping With Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner & Have Great Sex.
10. Mental techniques & awareness
Have you heard of the “Law of Attraction?” It’s premise is that we attract what we think about. It’s most important concept is that even if we are thinking about the things we don’t want – we will attract them because the idea resides in our minds and ultimately manifests. You must visualize what you do want. When we have to struggle with difficult and stressful conditions, like premature ejaculation, we often develop a sort of mental neurosis or obsession like the thought “don’t ejaculate, don’t ejaculate, don’t ejaculate…” and of course we do just that.
To overcome this mental preoccupation (that only makes things worse) you can use a technique that may seem a little backwards. Get lost in your sexual encounter. Let all of your senses be overwhelmed with the entirety of the encounter. Get lost in the smells, the sounds, the tastes, the emotional feelings, the physical sensations… and enjoy them. Getting lost in the moment and enjoying the multitude of joys will help dissipate the negative energy and fixation on that single thought… that you will ejaculate too soon. Try this out. Take it slow, be aware of your body and just enjoy yourself.
11. Masturbation as a tool
Masturbation is not something we should be ashamed about and is actually something that can serve us as a very helpful tool to help us overcome our difficulty lasting in bed. Here is an incremental strategy, something that will gradually build your sexual stamina. You must get rid of “rushed” habits that are usually associated with masturbation. Often, we developed the habit as a teenager to try and reach orgasm as fast we could (so we wouldn’t get caught masturbating by parents or siblings) or we were simply trying to quickly “release” in order to satisfy an urge or relieve pressure. We must erase these habits and psychological connections.
Your goal should now be for masturbation to last around 20 minutes. To start, you will masturbate with only internal imagery (using only your imagination) and dry stimulation of your penis (no lubrication) to reach climax. Make sure you are stimulating the glans (head) of the penis when you masturbate, as this is the area constantly in contact during sexual intercourse. Once you can last 20 minutes then you can move on to adding lubricant the next time. Next, you will introduce a pornographic magazine ( or other images ) with no lube, then lube. Next you’ll use pornographic video first without lubrication and then with. Finally, you’ll masturbate watching video and using a sex toy ( the most realistic simulation of actual sexual intercourse). You can purchase something like a Pocket Pal or penis sleeve that simulates a vagina. This technique that builds stamina in gradual steps will help you build sexual self-awareness, psychological fortitude and overall sexual control that will translate in the bedroom.
Best of luck
I sincerely wish you the best in this endeavor and hope that these strategies will help you achieve more satisfying sexual experiences and relationships. I believe patience and dedication will get you there.
If you know of any other techniques that you would like to share with the rest of us or would like us to research something further and have it presented here, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment with your suggestion or contact me via the link in the top menu.